Impressions—old, refletive, needs to be slower or it sounds forced (why do you choose June 2nd 2009 or bother to talk about that)—is this a common thing to interpret? Do you actually cite it as Discovery Channel?—we have lost the old reflective tone, where is lucy supposed to be vocally? –robot date voice, is it supposed to be a transition? Is lucy supposed to be static between them—the sadness of “when they died” comes too suddenly, it needs to build to it—how dramatic is this cut, which is to say, how long is the oringal piece? What are your rules for cutting? There are some details that I don’t think do much to the way the piece is cut now—the same is true for the ramp up of emotion when Josh is in the storm—what is the mood of the pandemic explosion? Is it resignation (it kind of sounds like it) when do you want that to start, at the beginning of the pandemic or in the middle of it (the robot transition)—when we return to the old
Give me some more flowerly description of the dresses—“hope that you will be amused”—I think this intro is actually too short, about 30 seconds—you need to build up more the expectation of what society thinks of corsets, we really have 2 impressions of them now—you are moving through these “misconceptions” too quickly, you are making a clear statement about them—makeup to be empowering, you need to describe this sort of movement a little bit more—describe the “posture is good” stuff a little more—vary your transitions to sources (they are all “according to” right now)—need more humor on the “boning” was a fashion emergency, not a medical one—not just “I have told you” but a more articulate transition there—“they are being hypocritical” is a very direct confrontation (isn’t it on the side of hypocritical?)—foot binding needs more development, what is it, before we make direct comparisons with them—conclusion good but needs more
First Audible Drills--7/29 (Baxter)
Impressions—old, refletive, needs to be slower or it sounds forced (why do you choose June 2nd 2009 or bother to talk about that)—is this a common thing to interpret? Do you actually cite it as Discovery Channel?—we have lost the old reflective tone, where is lucy supposed to be vocally? –robot date voice, is it supposed to be a transition? Is lucy supposed to be static between them—the sadness of “when they died” comes too suddenly, it needs to build to it—how dramatic is this cut, which is to say, how long is the oringal piece? What are your rules for cutting? There are some details that I don’t think do much to the way the piece is cut now—the same is true for the ramp up of emotion when Josh is in the storm—what is the mood of the pandemic explosion? Is it resignation (it kind of sounds like it) when do you want that to start, at the beginning of the pandemic or in the middle of it (the robot transition)—when we return to the old
Give me some more flowerly description of the dresses—“hope that you will be amused”—I think this intro is actually too short, about 30 seconds—you need to build up more the expectation of what society thinks of corsets, we really have 2 impressions of them now—you are moving through these “misconceptions” too quickly, you are making a clear statement about them—makeup to be empowering, you need to describe this sort of movement a little bit more—describe the “posture is good” stuff a little more—vary your transitions to sources (they are all “according to” right now)—need more humor on the “boning” was a fashion emergency, not a medical one—not just “I have told you” but a more articulate transition there—“they are being hypocritical” is a very direct confrontation (isn’t it on the side of hypocritical?)—foot binding needs more development, what is it, before we make direct comparisons with them—conclusion good but needs more